The King

I saw the Michael Jackson movie, "This Is It" a few weeks ago and he still had it.. up until the day he died. He is the king of pop. Respect.

Ghosts of Halloweens Past

Halloween is always a good time. I don't know what I'm going to be yet, but I'm sure it will be something epic. It always is. The last two years have been successes. Last year I was Miss Scarlet, along with Susan as Mrs. Peacock. Sammy was also Mrs. White, but unfortunately the rest of the crew bailed on us. Whatever. Notice the rope and the candlestick. If you and your friends are planning on being the Clue gang for Halloween, don't forget the weapons. Then the year before that, me and the roommates, Susan, Emily, and Sammy, and our dear friend Jessica, were the Spice Girls. You will see me featured here as Posh. I would have pulled it off better had I cut my hair but I wasn't willing to commit quite that much to the character so instead I just didn't smile all night. I think that made up for it. The sad news is that this year, I'm living with different people and so my roommates no longer want to do a joint costume, which is always a good time. So, I can't be a part of any girl groups of board game casts. Bummer. I'll probably end up being a cowgirl or something. Heaven knows I've got the hat for it. Besides hurting for a costume, I also find myself nearing middle age as I realize that I have no desire whatsoever to go to a halloween dance. A halloween dance sounds horrible to me. Maybe it's because I haven't been to one in a lot of years or maybe it's because I really do think they're stupid, but I do know that in my younger years, I was really able to kick up my heels on the dance floor. I tell you, my dance card used to be full. But not these days. These days I'd rather eat carmel apples and wish the little trick-or-treaters a happy halloween and send them on their way. Speaking of old people, now's as good a time as any to share a little story that I don't think I've ever shared with anyone. If you've heard it, I'm sorry. But I'd be willing to bet you haven't seeing as how it's a secret story that I've kept inside me since I was about 11 years old...

One Halloween night, I was out trick-or-treating with my friends Belinda and Michelle. It's possible Teah was there too. I don't really remember. But it doesn't matter. We were trick-or-treating and having the time of our little lives. I was probably a French maid or a witch or something. I don't really remember. The years of dressing up all kind of blend together for me now. But I was something awesome, I'm sure. Anyway, that's beside the point. We were walking the streets of Fullerton, knocking on doors and filling up our puffy painted pillow cases with all the sugary goodness we could get our hands on. There was always the houses of the dentists who gave us each a toothbrush, the houses in the rich neighborhoods that gave us each a king size candy bar... trick-or-treating gold..., the regular houses with the fun sized candy, the houses where candy had been left on the porch and some punk had taken it all, and the sweet houses with haunted mazes and things in the front yard. It was a typical, mystical, and magical Halloween night. As we were hard at work collecting goods for the weeks ahead until Thanksgiving and Christmas, we came to the house of an old man. He was sitting on his porch with a bowl of jelly beans. Still to this day, I feel something for this man. It almost brings me to tears just thinking about him. I don't know why the image of him sitting there has stayed with me so well, especially since I was only 11 when I saw him, but it really has. Everytime I think of trick-or-treating, I think of this man. He seemed lonely. He seemed to me to be a widower, and the fact that he was alone on his porch only encouraged that idea. He was so sweet as he gave us each some jelly beans with his shaking hands. He smiled and wished us a happy halloween. He seemed more sincere to me than anyone that night, and anyone since (at least on Halloween). It hurt me to know that most people wouldn't even eat his jellybeans because they weren't wrapped and we were told to throw away unwrapped candy. I really wanted him to know how much I appreciated his jelly beans, but being 11 didn't really know how. I'm not sure that I would be able to express my appreciation even today. But I will never forget that sweet man sitting on his porch handing out jelly beans. I don't even know how to explain why, but there was something about his gentleness and his grandpa-like smile that made me want the best for him. It also reminded me that even on a holiday as dark and scary as Halloween, we are here to help and serve each other, and that no man is truly alone.

Now you may have guessed by now that the reason I've never told anyone about that is because it's kind of weird. But, there it is. I was kind of a weird 11 year-old.

On a lighter note, the blue pumpkins up there were carved by me and my fhe group last night. The one on the left is the best because my group made it. That and it's got a mustache. This was the first year in a long time that I've carved pumpkins, but it was way fun. Also, the cat is a cat that decided to follow us home one night. I thought it was cute.. so there ya go. :) Happy Halloween everyone!

180 Miles of Pure Joy

Team Wayne's World - Ragnar Relay 2009 from baci on Vimeo.

It's been a little while but I don't have much time. I just wanted to share this fantastic video made by my friend and team member Brad. Me and 11 other people just ran Vegas Ragnar a few weeks ago and it was the time of our lives. Our team name was Wayne's World and we partied on. The people I knew on the team were Mallory, Brad, Sarah, Liz, and Katie, and I soon got to know good old Branden as well. It was a lot of fun. In other news, I got into the English Teaching program and will be starting classes and such in the winter. Also, this semester is going pretty well too... well so far anyway. I just got a midterm back today that I got a 94% on. Sweet! Anyway, enjoy. :)

You Made Him Love You

So you just had a bad day. Lots of working, lots of school, not enough sleep last night, and you really just need to take a load off and watch some TV. So that's exactly what you start doing when you get home. Then you get a text from some boy (or girl.. however you roll... this is an equal opportunity blog) who you think is pretty cool but doesn't give you butterflies or anything. He wants to do something.... at 11 o'clock at night.

You think to yourself, "I've been so busy lately and I've been promising him we'll hang out and I need a break. So why the heck not?" So, you text him back saying.. "Yeah I could probably do something. What do you want to do?" Then come the arbitrary responses such as, "Well we could go get ice cream or see a movie," which will inevitably result in you saying something like, "Well I'm really tired," or "Everything is closed, isn't it?" which ultimately leads you to the conclusion that the only thing to do is watch a movie at your place.

Congratulations. You two have successfully done the dance-around-actually-asking-for-it booty call confirmation. So now what? Well, what will most likely follow is you throwing on some last minute makeup and body spray (so as to not look like you're all dressed up for a movie night in but also enough to make you somewhat desirable) and waiting casually on the couch reading a book or getting some last minute studying in until that knock on the door sends a thrill through your stomach. (Now, this thrill seems at first like your excited about seeing this boy, but really is just a physical manifestation of your fear of how the night will unfold and the almost inevitable awkwardness that will ensue shortly. You've realized in this moment that there's really no turning back. This is going to happen. He is coming in in less than thirty seconds.) So up you get and you let the poor boy in. You exchange pleasantries, asking about how the homework is coming or how the day went and then decide upon a movie.

Now here is where the waltz gets a little bit more tricky. Whoever has the responsibility of putting in the DVD and getting it started (probably you since it's your apartment) is stuck with sitting down second. Bad spot to find yourself in. See, if you are the lucky one and get to sit down first, then you can pick any spot on the couch (if you're smooth, you'll pick somewhere in the middle so that the other person has a hard time avoiding you and if you're awkward you'll cling to one side because you really don't know what to do with yourself here... you're just there to watch a movie right?... right). It is then the responsibility of the second one to sit down to set the mood for the evening, or at least determine how far one or both of you have to go to get to where you really want to be. And, depending on the level of experience of both parties, this could take the entire movie.

Phew. You sat down about a foot away from him. Body language does the talking for the rest of the evening. Loaded, tense, and incredibly awkward body language. The part in between sitting on the couch and getting your cuddle on can go a number of different ways, some much more uncomfortable (both mentally and physically) than others. Ultimately, through all the shoving, tickling, strategically placed hands on legs and arms, and unnecessary giggling, you will end up cuddling. Cuddling positions is a topic for another day, and it is a topic that volumes could be written about in and of itself. So I'll spare you... for now.

Then come what I so fondly refer to as "the moves". You know that you probably shouldn't use your moves because you know this guy kinda likes you, but all guys want is nookie right? So no harm done. You bust out some of your semi-awesome moves (it's a well known fact that you save the best moves for later) and he tries out some of what are probably his best or almost best moves on you and what it leads to is either a lovely night of cuddling or a sweet make out sesh. For some, it's usually cuddling. So others, it's the latter. For some, it can lead to all sorts of inappropriateness. We'll not assign names to those three categories of people.

Nice. At least someone probably got what they wanted. The evening has been a success. Now onto the goodbyes. Goodbyes can be very telling. The generally accepted booty call goodbye is a short kiss or hug or simply getting up and leaving while the other person falls asleep on the couch. With this in mind, it's not surprising that you are a little shocked when you go to give him a hug goodbye and he gives you a kiss... on the forehead.

You know this is a little weird and not in keeping with the Booty Call General Handbook rules, but you brush it off and tell yourself that he's probably new at this and doesn't know the implications of his actions. So, your lover-for-the-night leaves and you snuggle up in bed for a good night's sleep, only to be woken up five minutes later by your phone going off. You roll over and check it and what do we have here? A text from lover boy saying something deliciously conducive to gagging such as, "Good night, sweet cheeks! :)" or "Sweet dreams, beautiful." You're a little annoyed but think it's sweet that he thought you would be hurt if he didn't send you an after make out text so you once again brush it off, put the phone down, and roll back over.

You do have sweet dreams, until in the morning you wake up to your phone singing that sweet symphony of love that is the alert of a text message from your new found cuddle buddy. He wishes you a good morning and says he hopes to see you again soon and it's then that you can no longer deny it and you come to the realization that... you made him love you. He's been thinking about you all night and basking in the glory of his new found love. Nice work. Too bad you were tired last night and kind of actually regret that last minute hang out come morning. But how do you tell him that?

This sad tale has been told to me too many times is the wonderful land of Provo and I'm afraid that I've encountered it myself on more than one occasion. There are so many of these poor little precious BYU souls getting a little too excited about a last minute cuddle fest or accidental make out (yes, sometimes it happens by accident even without alcohol). I've been thinking about these situations lately even though it's been a while since I've really been in one and I've decided that it's really difficult to avoid them. Of course you could make the "right" decision in the first place and tell your dear friend that you don't want to hang out with him at 11 o'clock, but sometimes you accidentally leave your common sense at school and don't pick it up again until the next day. Everybody does it at some point, and that's OK. You just have to be prepared to deal with the consequences.

In a normal society, these consequences would probably be something like pregnancy or STDs, but here in this magical land where all the naivety of the world congregates, the consequence is that you made him love you. Good luck breaking his poor little heart and finding someone who has actually read the handbook next time.

It's All Good

I have been incredibly busy lately.. ever since school started. At first, I FREAKED OUT a little bit because I was really just overwhelmed. It's hard to go from being able to play whenever you want and having money to do so to having just enough money to get by and having absolutely no time for anything but school and work, especially for someone as fond of playing as I am. It's taken me about three weeks to get back into the swing of things, which doesn't seem like that much, but when every second of your day is pretty much scheduled (or at least it should be), that's a long time. But, I think I'm finally doing alright. I will have been able to work a full work week and get most of my homework done by the time the week is over and I'm pretty pumped about it. I think with my old age I've become more responsible, or maybe I just realized that I'm not as lazy as everyone said I was back in high school so I stopped living up (or down) to thier expectations and started actually accomplishing things.

Speaking of accomplishing things, I think I actually might do something with my life! I know, right? Weird. But I think I will. I actually applied to my program finally and had an interview that I'm pretty sure went well since she really didn't ask me any questions... just explained the program to me and said I did well in my video and that she didn't see any reason why I wouldn't get in. Woohoo! I'm gonna teach high school!! Well.. I guess I still might not get in, but it's looking good so far. I don't know why I'm so excited about teaching a bunch of difficult kids how to read and write but I really really am. I can't wait to be doing work that I actually enjoy and that I feel is meaningful. Since my debut on the working scene as Chuck E. Cheese, I guess I just never really actually thought I'd be doing something that I wanted to.. but it looks like I'm actually going to get there and that's a pretty sweet feeling. I might actually get out of debt and be able to pay for my own life too.. which would be just fantastic. I know that teachers' salaries aren't the biggest, but they're definitely bigger than the tips I get at Los Hermanos so I'm pretty stoked about my first paycheck as a person with an actual career. Granted, that's not going to be for another two years, but still. I'm excited.

So, the busy-ness is just fine. A sense of accomplishment is definitely worth it to me. And, I've noticed a pattern in my adjusting to new situations. I tend to freak out and then become ridiculously and embarrassingly comtemplative and then work my way into a state of complete happiness when I realize that I'm doing my best and whether it works or not, I'm learning and growing and life is, at its most basic and most complex levels, very very good.

Heathcliff

..is the name of my new fish. Pictures coming soon. He's sexy. As sexy as a fish can be. And I love him. He's the closest thing to a child the universe will let me have because all I have to do is feed him once or twice a day and try not to tap on the glass, which is clearly all I'm capable of. Granted, me and Sammy have killed three fish in the past (two died for lack of oxygen and one we neglected over Christmas break). Oops. But I think this time will be different. I've spent the last year or two maturing a great deal so hopefully I'll be able to care for this little guy and give him all that he needs in life. I hope he can tell how much I love him. I'm sure he can. He must know. There's no way he couldn't. Maybe I'll just bring his little bowl over to the computer and let him read this. We'll see what happens.

But, I'm sure he realizes that I love him because I saved him from the horrible fish keeper at Walmart. He was living in a little 16 oz. tub thing and swimming amongst all his own poop. Also, the mean fish guy scared the crap out of me while I was tapping on the glass. He came out of nowhere whilst I was innocently trying to get the little fishies to move around with my love taps and said, "Do you know what happens when you tap on the glass?!" and proceeded to show me a bag of five or six dead fish. I ran and hid behind Michael. Not one of my proudest moments, but that fish guy was a JERK and I reverted to my girlie ways in a moment of desperation. That guy was a little too passionate about the fish he kept. Another example of this was when the other old guy that works at Walmart (there are only two) came to help us with the fish and was going to let Michael get his own fish out but old guy number one comes running and screaming (slight exaggeration) around the corner shouting, "You can't do that sir! You know better!" to the other old guy. Then old guy number one says to us, "The only way he'd be any dumber is if he were bigger!" What a bastard! (Don't worry, I don't get it either.)

A day later, my fish is living happily on my entertainment center despite my tapping and he's happy to be free of the weirdies at Walmart. Because I don't care what you say, all the weirdies work at Walmart. It's one of those things we don't like to talk about but that we all know. That and Dairy Queen. (Yes, I'm aware that one day I will be out of work and forced to work at either Walmart or Dairy Queen or both because of that comment, but it's a sacrfice I'm willing to make.)

My current jam is: Best I Ever Had by Drake (I recommend the edited version if you have small children or Mormons around).

Don't You WANT to Get Married?

Sammy and Chase got married! Weddings are the best. They're fun because a ton of people get to hang out and celebrate, but they're less awesome because the single people attending suddenly become targets for the next wedding. I, unfortunately, was the bridesmaid who took the brunt of that because two of them were married and the other one just started her mission papers. I don't mind being set up on blind dates. I've been through worse things. I don't mind people teasing me about dating people blah blah blah. But I must admit that it has started to bother me that people say things like, "Oh my gosh, 22 is so young. You're young and pretty. You'll find someone." This sounds like a compliment, but you have to realize that people tell me this ALL THE TIME and I don't say anything about my having an opinion otherwise. These comments are completely unwarranted. We could be talking about pudding or fish sticks and someone will tell me how young I am and that one day I'll find someone to love and marry. One day it will happen for me. The problem here is that if they feel they need to TELL me that I'm young and will find someone, then they are assuming that I don't believe this or that somehow I'm feeling like the future is looking bleak.

I've taken to telling people I'm a lesbian (not true) when they ask me why I'm not dating anyone because I'm so sick of the question. WHY am I not dating anyone?! Do I have to be dating someone to be normal? Do I have to just date someone to be dating someone? I haven't found someone that I really wanted to date in a long time. I'm fine with it. But that doesn't mean I love to be reminded of it constantly. It's like people feel that I'm doing something wrong because I'm not dating anyone. Well, world, I appologize. I'm doing the universe an injustice apparently because I have no desire to date someone that I'm not excited about. Yes, I want to get married. Yes, I want to date somebody. But I do NOT want to date to date or marry to marry. I want to be happy about who I date and marry and I want to have a happy and healthy marriage that will continue to make me as well as my spouse happy forever. That seems to be easy to come by for those who found it early, but it's a difficult thing to do right and I am absolutely determined to do it right. That makes me a little bit picky, which I guess makes me mean or shallow or something, but I don't give a crap what it makes me. I wouldn't want to be with someone that I can't really love with all my heart because that's not even fair to them.

Also, I get crap STILL for the people that I've dated in the past. Not that there's anything wrong with them, but admittedly, I tend to let people walk all over me, especially when I care about them, and I have gotten screwed a few times for that reason. So, I'm trying to be more careful about who I date. But I guess that means I'm not trying. So it seems that no matter what I choose or don't choose to do in my dating life, someone isn't going to be happy. Good thing it's none of their business! So, a word to the wise, don't be that person that walks around patronizing single people. They are actually fully functional, normal people for the most part, just trying to do the best they can to end up where they want to be in life.

Disclaimer: Most of my angst about this subject isn't a result of the wedding. Actually, very little if any is. It was just the most recent thing. These feelings have been boiling up for a while now. I never thought this kind of thing would irritate me so much, but I have just been amazed by the amount of people who have asked me about my dating life in the past year. I can't wait until I'm 26 and still not married. My sympathy for "older" singles living in Provo has grown quite a bit as of late. Not because they're not married, but because I'm sure they get crap for it all the time.

Frustrating

Ever since I ran the half marathon last Saturday, my right leg has been killing me. It's gotten better slowly but I feel like everytime it almost heals, I do something else to aggitate it and it ends up continuing to hurt for another couple days. For instance, I wanted to go trail running this morning (and running every other day of the week) but I've been frantically moving and cleaning for the past couple days and haven't been able to give my leg much of a rest and so all the healing that took place, making me think that I would be feeling good enough to go running today was bascially reversed and I'm back to where I was a few days ago.

Now, don't feel too bad for me. The pain isn't unbarable, but it's enough to make running even a mile surprisingly painful and at random points during the day, it will just hurt a ton more than others. I haven't gone this long without running in months and it's driving me crazy!! I feel like I'm getting completely out of shape and will have to start all over again. This is terribly frustrating. Also, I'm pretty much addicted to running and so I feel like I'm not getting my fix and therefore have been slightly grumpier than normal and to top it all off, I just naturally feel like a fat lard because I haven't been getting the exercise in that my body is used to.

I guess I'm not the first person in the world to have an injury slow them down athletically, but this is a first for me. I hurt my other leg a couple months ago but it healed a lot faster than this one is. I only had to not run for a day or two. But this is beastly. It refuses to leave me alone.

Another frustrating element of my life right now is the fact that I have to be homeless for two weeks even though I've paid my rent for the entire month (I'm pretty sure.. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure.) Why does BYU housing do this? It's ridiculous! Where are people supposed to go for two weeks?! Luckily I have plenty of places to go, but what if I didn't have nice friends? I would have to fly home and get a storage unit or live out of my car even though I'm not homeless! Like I said, I pay rent. I just feel like this is absolutely ridiculous. I know there are plenty of other people that agree with me, so why is this still a problem? I know for a FACT they don't clean those blasted apartments after we move out. It's a bunch of lies and housing is poopilious. Anyway, those are my frustrations. Sorry, this kind of turned into a venting blog rather than an entertaining one, but I think I'm just extra grumpy because mal bop gets to be out trail running whilst I sit on my lazy bum for the next couple hours and all the moving is partially to blame. :(

Silent Running

It's been approximately a year and half (gross exaggeration) since I last posted and I feel like a bad parent neglecting their child. Especially since I've gotten so many generous comments in the past about the caliber of my blogging, which by the way I greatly appreciate. Instead of updating you on everything in my life, which let me tell you would be priceless literature right now, I'm going to spare some dear friends the embarrassment and skip straight to the awesomeness of the past week and the chaos of the coming week.

Awesomeness:

Me and Susan ran a half marathon! This was one of my new year's resolutions believe it or not, which I have actually been following through on. But boy was it a red letter day, as Susan would put it. I was super nervous about it and thought I would get discouraged really easily, but to my surprise and delight, I totally wowed myself! Not to brag, but I'm gonna brag. I got 1:49:21 and my goal was to just get under two hours which I wasn't even sure that I was capable of. Granted, this was as Liz put it, "The easiest half marathon in the WORLD," but it was also my very first and the first time I've ever run that far, so I'm going to make an executive decision and say that those two things cancel each other out and we can safely count this as a legit half marathon.

It started out with me and Sue waking up at 4:15 in the morning and driving to the Riverwoods where we got on the first bus to South Fork where we proceeded to sit freezing our behinds off for about two hours. We sat on a bench when we first got there and were joined shortly by the two oldest tools I've ever met. Not that they were particularly old, but generally I think of a tool as a young and full of himself idiotic man. These interesting men were probably about 45-48. (I secretly hope they were much younger and one day read this and take a small but solid shot to their egos.) They talked about all the sexy awesome things they had done in thier lives and how last year at St. George, they were "not only the most attractive men, but also the ones with the best form and thigh muscles." That may not be an exact quote. But what was the most exciting for them was the fact that everyone was lined up for one porta potty when there were "like fifty right over there. Don't they know?!" That is an exact quote. Anyway, it's difficult for me to describe the way these men made us feel, partly because it was mostly the way they said things that was annoying and partly because it was five in the morning and I wasn't at the point where I could tolerate douchebaggery quite yet. Once the race started, it was party time. I LOVED it! The running felt good instead of painful, and I slapped the one part of the trail that was uphill in the face. It was also a lot of fun because there were a lot of people I knew there and we were cheering each other on. The last mile was death. But I made it through and am overall very happy with the day. It was a lot of fun and I'm totally doing it again!

Chaos:

Sammy and Chase are getting married. AWESOME, but busy. I need to get my bridesmaid outfit together and buy some presents and such. Also, we're moving out/in/all around the week before and after the wedding and moving is my favorite. (It's not really my favorite.) But, I do tend to be happy when I'm busy so I've been pretty pumped about life lately because I don't have time to be emo in the slightest. I'm excited for school to start too. It'll be stressful but it'll feel good to be being productive and learning and such. Woohoo!! Bring it on, chaos. Bring. It. On.

Title:

"Silent Running" is an appropriate title for this post because I talked about running. But, it's also my jam right now. It's by Mike + the Mechanics and I suggest you all take a walk down memory lane, or as the case may be, create some new memories while listening to it.

Life After...

I just got back from a week at Lake Powell last week and it was like OMG SO FUN!!! But really, it was way fun! And I totally miss it. But it got me thinking about life after Powell.. or in other words, life after something really good. You go do this awesome thing and have so much fun and then you come back to life and work and your normal everyday. How dreadful, right?! It reminds me of how much it sucks when you break up with someone. You have this person to be with you and share your life with for however long and then all of a sudden they're not there and you have to face everything on your own again. That just seems kind of devestating. So, even though I realize it's not that bad being on my own since I've been single for a substantial amount of time now, I can definitely see how breaking up is so hard. But back to Powell... I'm just about recovered at this point. It's been almost a week since I got back and I'm having a good time just living my normal life again but it was like coming off a drug there for a while. I was grumpy at work.. mainly because I had to be at work instead of out on a boat, not because there was anything wrong with work. I was definitely going through withdrawals and to top it off all my friends picked up boyfriends at the same time! Sad news.. poor little me was all alone in the world for a couple days. How depressing, huh? My life is so hard.

Anyway, now that the drugs are almost completely out of my system and I can breathe in the regular world again, I'm feeling it again. And guess what?!! It's SUMMER!!! The most awesome time of the year, especially when you live somewhere like Provo where snow puts a blanket of sadness on the valley for 8 months of the year. But for the next three to four months, we have sunshine and pool basketball and floating the provo river and hiking and all sorts of other happiness so I'm pumped to enjoy it. So I guess life after Powell isn't so bad.. or life after break ups or after the end of other really awesome things.. it just takes some getting used to. So, if you just did something awesome or a really great relationship just came to an end or you just moved away from your favorite person or place, this too shall pass. Your dependence on the drugs, whatever they are, will go away, and you'll realize that there is so much fun and important shiz out there for you to do and you'll go do it.

Fly Boi

WOOOOOOO!!!! Today was my last day of classes for the semester and I'm PUMPED for summer! Despite the fact that it's supposed to snow on wednesday, life is good. My grades look promising so far for the semester too, which is a good feeling. I still have two finals to take, but I should do fairly well on them so I'm not too worried about it. I'm taking a trip home to California from April 29th-May 4th and I'm excited for the break and to spend some time with my family even though I really don't love flying. I should have driven instead but the plane ticket was so cheap and the airline so wonderful, I just couldn't help myself.

And here is where you all find something out about me that you may not have known before: I am a walking advertisement for Jet Blue Airlines. Jet Blue does make it so that I can have "happy jetting." Not only do they offer the lowest prices I've found anywhere on flights, but they also fly into Long Beach Airport, which is the cutest airport I've ever seen. Low prices tend to be more exciting to people though, so we'll address that for a moment. I bought tickets to fly home at $49 one way. That's incredible! Not long ago, they had a special on flights from San Fran to NYC for $15!! I'm not even kidding. So, now you're thinking, "Hmmm.. this can't be as good as it sounds. The planes must be tiny or cramped and I'll probably be smashed in between the armpit of a really fat smelly guy and an 85 year-old's knitting bag that smells strongly of ipecac and peppermint the whole time, while I try desperately to watch Cheaper by the Dozen on the smallest screen ever invented four rows in front of me!" But, and I'm sure this is to your delight and surprise, you are thinking wrong. On your flight with Jet Blue, you will be seated in a spacious and comfortable leather arm chair with plenty of leg room and your own personal television screen right in front of you. All you have to do is plug in your headphones and change the channel to your favorite VH1 reality show and you're good to go for the next however many hours it takes you to get where you're going. A little chilly? Simply reach up and turn off the air vent above your seat. Feel like getting some reading in? There's a reading light just for you. Just reach up and make it happen. If I haven't already convinced you to fly Jet Blue whenever possible, please take into consideration the delicious beverages and snacks offered on every flight. You won't get the little half-cans of soda and no flight attendant will tell you you can't have more chips if you want more chips. Your snack selection is unlimited. And for those of you who get a little lonesome on plane rides, they offer a selection of spirits to help you lift your own spirits for a reasonable price. Happy jetting, America!

High School

It's been a while since my last blog so I'll catch you all up on the happenings...

I've been a total sicky for the past week. It comes and goes and comes and goes but it mostly just comes and I'm all stocked up on Dayquil and Nyquil and I've got a supply of cough drops as well. I've still been working though because that's just what I do and staying at home all day drives me crazy. Besides the fact that everyone else at work is sick too and so I have to cover shifts all over the place because I'm not as sick as some other people. I have really started to feel better though and thanks to a very kind coworker who shares his meds with me, my congestion has subsided for the time being. Other than that, things are going well. School is nearing an end for the semester and I will not be taking classes spring or summer like I had planned because dun dun dun...

I'm changing my major! That's right boys and girls, I will be staying at BYU for AT LEAST TWO MORE YEARS!!! "Wait, hasn't she been there for four already?" Yes, that's right. I will spend at least six years of my life in Provo, which of all places in the world to live isn't the worst. But let's be honest, it isn't the best either. The announcement isn't as shocking as I've made it seem, though. I'm changing my major from English to English Teaching, which just adds a ton of classes, but I'll also graduate with a teaching certificate, which is good to have if one wants to teach. I do have to apply to the program though so if I don't get in, then it's back to English for me, but I hope I do despite the extra schooling I'll have to endure. I just realized that I really do want to teach those bratty little high schoolers, so that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Also, I got to hang out with my aunt Mandy and my beautiful cousins and their signifcant others this last weekend and that was wonderful. Rachel's little baby is the cutest baby in the whole world I'm pretty sure. So that was pretty much the highlight of my week. Other than that, work is good, school is good, life is good, and I'm currently trying to figure out when I can get home to California because I think it's about time for a visit. :)

The Name Game

1.YOUR REAL NAME
Rebecca (Becky) Ann Tucker

2.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(mother and father's middle names)
Ann David

3.NASCAR NAME:(first name of your mother's dad, father's dad)
Glenn Claire

4.STAR WARS NAME:(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)
Tucre

5.DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite color, favorite animal)
Red Dog

6.SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, town where you were born)
Ann Placentia

7.SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning)
The Blue V Coke

8.FLY NAME:(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
Reer

9.ROCK STAR NAME:(current pets name, current street name)
Randi University

10. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on)
Goldie Cornell

11.YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle)
Becizzle

12. YOUR GOTH NAME:(black, and the name of one of your pets)
Black Rollie

14. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume, fav candy)
Beyonce Milk Duds

Dodged that Bullet

I have been meaning to purchase an external hard drive for some time now, and by some time I mean about three years. I rent a computer from BYU and so one day will lose it and with it all of my information and so I thought it best to have it all stored somewhere else. But! Like most other things, I put off the purchase because those things are expensive and I'd rather have new clothes or a new version of guitar hero or a car. So, I put it off and I put it off and finally I decide that I should just get her done and make the purchase even though I can't really afford it. So to Walmart I go. I buy the little beauty shown on the left. It's quite a gem. Holds 500 GB and that's plenty for me. Home I skip, new hard drive in hand. Once I get home, I go to town, storing all my pictures, music, and documents on the little sucker and basically cleaning out my computer. About five minutes after I do all this, my lovely little rental computer says it needs to restart. Now, it's been having some problems rebooting lately. It will but then it won't again and then it will and then it won't again, but eventually, it always does. This time was different. My companion of three years, this little computer that got its start at the MTC and then made its way to the IT office to be rented to me, finally gave up the ghost. Good thing I finally splurged and bought that external hard drive or everything I've done, all the music I've purchased, and all the pictures I've taken over the past three years would have been gone forever. Phew! Call it luck if you want to, I'm gonna call it a blessing, but whatever it was, I'm so glad it happened!

Confrontation

AHHHH!! Anxiety attack! One of the hardest things to do in life is to say hard things to people, especially people you love. Hard things include: telling someone you have feelings for them, telling someone you love them for the first time, telling someone you don't want to go out with them again.. or worse yet that you don't want to go out with them at all, breaking up with someone, asking someone for money they owe you when you know they don't have it or will be upset you asked, asking someone to borrow money, telling someone they aren't a good singer/photographer/dancer or whatever it is they think they're good at but that they really can't do (this particular one isn't done enough, as is evident in American Idol and other similar "I've got talent" shows), telling someone they're making a fool out of themselves (also something people don't do enough because they're afraid of hurt feelings, but wouldn't you rather know if you were the fool?), giving someone advice they don't want to hear, being the one to tell someone they lost a loved one, saying you're sorry, admitting to doing something hurtful or stupid, talking about relationships of any kind (especially the romantic kinds) with the other person in the relationship, asking someone if they want to marry you (and I don't mean proposing, I mean actually bringing the subject up for the first time), and oh so many more.

Life is full of necessary confrontations that most of us avoid like the plague. It's understandable why we avoid them. We could get rejected, which would either just be a devastating blow to the self-esteem or cause us to lose someone we love. We could also be rejecting someone else, which might hurt them and that's no fun. Mainly I think these are the two reasons why people avoid confrontation. We're afraid of hurt feelings or losing something important to us. These are both unpleasant things. However, I also believe that these things can be avoided more often than not if we simply go through with the confrontations we know we need to deal with. For instance, we might hurt our friend's feelings by telling them that they can't sing very well, but isn't that better than them auditioning on national television and becoming the laughing stock of a nation? Also, wouldn't you rather confront the person you love when something they're doing is hurting your feelings or bothering you or when you don't understand what they're thinking than just being perpetually confused and ending up breaking up because of frustration with each other? Also, wouldn't you rather take a chance on someone and get rejected than spend the rest of your life (or at least the next few months) wondering what could have happened?

Confrontation is like ripping off a Band-Aid. Keeping the Band-Aid on is comfortable, but that thing is getting pretty disgusting after all the showers you've taken with it on and you know you're going to have a wicked tan line if you leave it on any longer. So you rip it off. And it hurts.. but it can only get better from there.

I recently decided where I'm going to live next year. It was a process that consisted of a couple confrontations that needed to be made and I feel that if they weren't, things would have ended badly, but at least no one's feelings would be hurt, right? Well, I discovered that I don't mind being confronted most of the time and I'm glad when people get up the courage to talk to me about something. Also, I feel better when I talk to people that I need to talk to. Anyway, my situation ended well because we were willing to talk to each other, being honest and tactful and now we all feel good about our situations. So a word of advice, if you feel like you should talk to someone about something, just do it. You'll be glad you did.

Sometimes the Snow Comes Down in June

Sometimes the unexpected happens. Sometimes things go as planned despite the fact that you have horrible luck. Sometimes you try your hardest and things just seem to keep getting worse. Sometimes fate fakes you out and you end up disappointed in the end anyway. I've learned all of these things from experience and I'm sure I'll learn much more even before the year is out. I find that through all of the crap that life throws at me, it always somehow seems to redeem itself.... and then remind me I have no control over anything again. It's ok that I can't control what happens to me. I've given up trying to do that a long time ago, even though some of the anxiety that goes along with wanting to control your life still lingers with me. I'm working on that slowly too. BUT, I can do some pretty sweet crap while I wait for the next blow or the next amazing something in life, so I'm gonna move apartments just because I feel like I should and I'm gonna finish school and I'm gonna run a marathon (one of these days) and if for some reason one or all of these things doesn't end up happening because of circumstances, it's all good. This post has no point. I have no awesome insight. I'm just commenting on life. I think life is nuts, but I do love it. There's no denying that. And whilst I enjoy life, I'm going to be listening to some pretty dang good music. Namely... Kings of Leon and Coldplay. Also, props to Coldplay for winning Best Rock Album and Best Song, among other things, and congrats to Kings of Leon for winning Best Rock Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals for Sex on Fire. I normally don't care about the Grammy's, but my boys showed up this year. I feel that.

Staring Problem

I find myself staring at people as I walk to and from campus because they have peaked my interest for one reason or another. For some reason, I'm under the impression that when I stare at people, they can't see me. Like I don't exist and people can't stare at me like I'm staring at them. Am I the only one with this problem? I submit that I am not. And here's why... as I was walking to school the other day, some goofy kid was staring at me as I walked by. I was staring right back of course but neither one of us acknowledged the other, that is until his lack of attention to where he was walking caused him to trip on the ice and land right on his rump just after he passed me. I turned around to see if he was ok and I think he suddenly realized that when you stare at people, they can see it, because his face turned bright red and he continued on his way. Now this may just have been because he ate it, but I'm guessing it was possibly because he ate it because he was staring at me, and I'm sure it wasn't because I was attractive or anything, but probably just because I was walking by and was someone he could stare at. He just didn't know his staring at me would end this way. I tell you this story of this absent-minded gentleman to share with you some wisdom I gained that day, just in case, like me, you didn't already have it:

People can see you when you stare at them (unless you are doing it with binoculars up in a tree or somewhere else far away, and if I just described you, for shame).

So do yourself a favor and stop staring at people if you currently have a habit of it, because if we're not careful, we'll all end up like my new friend who didn't think people could see him until he fell on his rear end in public.

I One-Upped Eminem

I've been on this running kick lately. I always said that the reason I didn't work out was because I didn't have a car or a gym membership. I know that I could have been working out on campus all these years, and I did my freshman year, but let's face it, I'm the lazy type when it comes to walking to campus. I minimize the number of times I have to walk to campus in a week for good reason... it's no fun.

But, along with buying a car, I bought myself a gym membership to Gold's. Now, I would actually probably prefer 24 Hour to Gold's, but when I went to 24, I had kind of a bad deal and paid waaay too much a month and Gold's also has a sweet theater room that inspires me to run for entire movies at a time, which is much more tolerable than just counting songs or looking out the window for an hour and a half at a time. So, I was a little hesitant to make the switch, but I'm happy with my decision now, so that's good.

Now that I've explained the decision-making process behind choosing a gym to go to, which I'm sure was riveting, I'll tell you how successful I've been at actually going to said gym. Surprisingly successful, actually. I manage to go about 4 to 6 times a week, usually at 6 in the morning before I go to school or work, and it's been, for lack of a better word, delightful. I go to the gym, get my workout on, and then come home, shower, and have about a half hour to eat breakfast (which I didn't used to do either) and read my scriptures and/or a book before I go to school or work or wherever I'm headed that day. My mornings are just great, which is important because good mornings help you have good days and good days help you have a good life, so I'd say things are going pretty well.

I'm especially impressed by myself because I've actually been making goals with the running. I want to run a marathon or a half marathon, or at least be able to, this summer. Also, I just figure if I'm going to be working out, I might as well get good at something while I'm at it. So, I try to do my own made up training techniques so that I get stronger and faster and all of that, and they seem to be working. I know this is not terribly impressive to all of you actual runners out there, but I ran 9 miles on Saturday for the first time in my life! It wasn't too long ago that three was a stretch, so I'm feeling really good about it.

This is just a little personal triumph for me that I thought I'd share. I've always liked to work out, but have made whatever excuse for not doing it, and I'm so grateful that I'm finally in the optimal situation for actually doing it. And I'm proud of myself for actually doing it and not making another lame excuse for not. Anyway, running is fun, I recommend it. It also helps me feel like I'm actually accomplishing something, which is a nice feeling because school and work can often times feel a little mundane.

Here's the update you've all been waiting for: I did buy a new water bottle at Walmart. It's lovely and blue, but I forgot to bring it with me to work today, so I guess I'll just have to try it out tomorrow. I have, however, given up the regular water bottle at work because I don't thing feeling sick is very fun. I'm just sticking to the drinking fountain for today. Also, I went to the mall with Mallory and got two sexy pairs of jeans that I love and I owe Mallory my life for sharing her shopping expertise with me!

Something in the Water

I'm convinced that reusing water bottles is a bad idea. My reasoning behind this is that I have been doing so for about two years pretty consistently now and I'm pretty sure the nauseous stomach that I've been enjoying recently at work and often times in the past is a result of said action. Maybe this stems simply from the fact that I think it's doing me harm and so somehow my subconscious makes me believe that the sensation of goldfish swimming through my innards is real even though it really isn't. But, I think it's probably just that the water is rancid because I've been reusing my water bottle for too long. I think it's time for me to invest in a couple eco-friendly water bottles (as mentioned on The Biggest Loser) to use instead of reusing these meant-for-one-use-only bottles that are quite a bit cheaper. However, (also as mentioned on The Biggest Loser) in the long run, these meant-to-be-reused-eco-friendly bottles will be a much better investment and will save me a lot of money.

In the meantime, I'm stuck slurping down some Cup Noodles (that's right... it's actually NOT Cup o' Noodles) and drinking some Citrus C Odwalla concoction to get rid of this nasty feeling in my stomach. Hopefully it works.

New Jeans

I have a serious pants deficiency. I own exactly six pairs of jeans. One of which I bought in high school, but it fits and is decent-looking, one of which fits and is falling apart in every way possible, two of which have holes too big to be ignored in places too inappropriate to be ignored, one of which fits me in a way similar to that of your grandmother's stretchy-sort-of-jean material, light-blue-jean-colored pants do (those of you familiar with SNL might call them Mom Jeans), and one of which fits me a lot like a trash bag might (I bought this pair for my fat days, but it turns out my days are never quite fat enough to make them look good). In other words, I have two pairs of jeans that I wear, one of which is quickly becoming another pair with holes too big to be ignored. Most people in the financial position (not great, but good enough to buy pants at least once a year) that I am in, and with the level of intelligence (also not great, but good enough to recognize when new clothes are a luxury and when they are a necessity) that I have would have, by all reasonable paths of logic, come to the conclusion that a pair or two of new blue jeans should be purchased about two and a half years ago.

But, as I'm sure you can imagine by my current problem, I am not most people. So, what am I to do?

My initial reaction is to go to my default reason for not doing anything: I don't have a car. Then... I buy a car. So I move on to the next tried and true excuse for not doing anything: I don't have any money. While this one is still true, it's probably not very valid because I can rationalize spending the little money that I do have on things of much less importance, such as Tucano's and the sheet music for "Open Arms" as made famous by Journey. So, I feel that although my funds are small, they're plentiful enough to splurge on a pair or two of very useful and hopefully stylish jeans. Now that I've gotten past both of these hefty excuses, I make a few trips to the mall. No luck. No pants fit me. THIS, I discover, is the reason for my lack of pants.

Here's where the beautiful and talented Malba (formerly known as Mal Bop, formerly known as Mallory) comes in. She so kindly is going to tutor me in the art of shopping since it's one of my least favorite things to do, and I'm pretty excited about it. This story is to be continued after what I'm sure will be a more successful adventure at the mall than I've previously had. Wish me luck, America. I am finally going to find some jeans to add to my collection after about three and a half years.

Attendance

I have a history of not being good at attendance. Both of my classes this semester take roll and count it as part of our grade. I'm doomed. Either that or I'll just have to suck it up and always go to class. You might be thinking, "What's your problem, Becky? You only have two classes!" But I'm lazy, and that's a hard thing to get over. Also, the temperatures are dropping and that makes walking to school through the ice unpleasant not only because I tend to fall when I walk on ice, but also because it's now absolutely freezing. Other than that, it shouldn't be too bad. Just English classes, so I'm not too worried. No more Italian, thank goodness.

Perhaps I'm also being a tad pessimistic about the upcoming semester because I'm back to work and school after having a two week vacation that was much more fun than anticipated. I went home, which was really nice. It was nice to see my family and friends from back home. I would even venture to say that it was relaxing. Then I spent quite a bit of quality time with Mallory and her lovely family, which was fantastic. This quality time included meeting a sexy Brazilian surfer/snowboarder who made us eat chicken hearts and offered us shots on his break, snowboarding, watching the long but well done Curious Case of Benjamin Button, making an appearance at an incredible institute dance where we saw alot of cha cha-ing and charlie brown-ing, alot of slumber parites, Mallory's 21st birthday, and alot of delicious grub. I couldn't have asked for a better break, but that just makes going back to the boring that much harder.