Friday, September 25, 2009

You Made Him Love You

So you just had a bad day. Lots of working, lots of school, not enough sleep last night, and you really just need to take a load off and watch some TV. So that's exactly what you start doing when you get home. Then you get a text from some boy (or girl.. however you roll... this is an equal opportunity blog) who you think is pretty cool but doesn't give you butterflies or anything. He wants to do something.... at 11 o'clock at night.

You think to yourself, "I've been so busy lately and I've been promising him we'll hang out and I need a break. So why the heck not?" So, you text him back saying.. "Yeah I could probably do something. What do you want to do?" Then come the arbitrary responses such as, "Well we could go get ice cream or see a movie," which will inevitably result in you saying something like, "Well I'm really tired," or "Everything is closed, isn't it?" which ultimately leads you to the conclusion that the only thing to do is watch a movie at your place.

Congratulations. You two have successfully done the dance-around-actually-asking-for-it booty call confirmation. So now what? Well, what will most likely follow is you throwing on some last minute makeup and body spray (so as to not look like you're all dressed up for a movie night in but also enough to make you somewhat desirable) and waiting casually on the couch reading a book or getting some last minute studying in until that knock on the door sends a thrill through your stomach. (Now, this thrill seems at first like your excited about seeing this boy, but really is just a physical manifestation of your fear of how the night will unfold and the almost inevitable awkwardness that will ensue shortly. You've realized in this moment that there's really no turning back. This is going to happen. He is coming in in less than thirty seconds.) So up you get and you let the poor boy in. You exchange pleasantries, asking about how the homework is coming or how the day went and then decide upon a movie.

Now here is where the waltz gets a little bit more tricky. Whoever has the responsibility of putting in the DVD and getting it started (probably you since it's your apartment) is stuck with sitting down second. Bad spot to find yourself in. See, if you are the lucky one and get to sit down first, then you can pick any spot on the couch (if you're smooth, you'll pick somewhere in the middle so that the other person has a hard time avoiding you and if you're awkward you'll cling to one side because you really don't know what to do with yourself here... you're just there to watch a movie right?... right). It is then the responsibility of the second one to sit down to set the mood for the evening, or at least determine how far one or both of you have to go to get to where you really want to be. And, depending on the level of experience of both parties, this could take the entire movie.

Phew. You sat down about a foot away from him. Body language does the talking for the rest of the evening. Loaded, tense, and incredibly awkward body language. The part in between sitting on the couch and getting your cuddle on can go a number of different ways, some much more uncomfortable (both mentally and physically) than others. Ultimately, through all the shoving, tickling, strategically placed hands on legs and arms, and unnecessary giggling, you will end up cuddling. Cuddling positions is a topic for another day, and it is a topic that volumes could be written about in and of itself. So I'll spare you... for now.

Then come what I so fondly refer to as "the moves". You know that you probably shouldn't use your moves because you know this guy kinda likes you, but all guys want is nookie right? So no harm done. You bust out some of your semi-awesome moves (it's a well known fact that you save the best moves for later) and he tries out some of what are probably his best or almost best moves on you and what it leads to is either a lovely night of cuddling or a sweet make out sesh. For some, it's usually cuddling. So others, it's the latter. For some, it can lead to all sorts of inappropriateness. We'll not assign names to those three categories of people.

Nice. At least someone probably got what they wanted. The evening has been a success. Now onto the goodbyes. Goodbyes can be very telling. The generally accepted booty call goodbye is a short kiss or hug or simply getting up and leaving while the other person falls asleep on the couch. With this in mind, it's not surprising that you are a little shocked when you go to give him a hug goodbye and he gives you a kiss... on the forehead.

You know this is a little weird and not in keeping with the Booty Call General Handbook rules, but you brush it off and tell yourself that he's probably new at this and doesn't know the implications of his actions. So, your lover-for-the-night leaves and you snuggle up in bed for a good night's sleep, only to be woken up five minutes later by your phone going off. You roll over and check it and what do we have here? A text from lover boy saying something deliciously conducive to gagging such as, "Good night, sweet cheeks! :)" or "Sweet dreams, beautiful." You're a little annoyed but think it's sweet that he thought you would be hurt if he didn't send you an after make out text so you once again brush it off, put the phone down, and roll back over.

You do have sweet dreams, until in the morning you wake up to your phone singing that sweet symphony of love that is the alert of a text message from your new found cuddle buddy. He wishes you a good morning and says he hopes to see you again soon and it's then that you can no longer deny it and you come to the realization that... you made him love you. He's been thinking about you all night and basking in the glory of his new found love. Nice work. Too bad you were tired last night and kind of actually regret that last minute hang out come morning. But how do you tell him that?

This sad tale has been told to me too many times is the wonderful land of Provo and I'm afraid that I've encountered it myself on more than one occasion. There are so many of these poor little precious BYU souls getting a little too excited about a last minute cuddle fest or accidental make out (yes, sometimes it happens by accident even without alcohol). I've been thinking about these situations lately even though it's been a while since I've really been in one and I've decided that it's really difficult to avoid them. Of course you could make the "right" decision in the first place and tell your dear friend that you don't want to hang out with him at 11 o'clock, but sometimes you accidentally leave your common sense at school and don't pick it up again until the next day. Everybody does it at some point, and that's OK. You just have to be prepared to deal with the consequences.

In a normal society, these consequences would probably be something like pregnancy or STDs, but here in this magical land where all the naivety of the world congregates, the consequence is that you made him love you. Good luck breaking his poor little heart and finding someone who has actually read the handbook next time.

3 comments:

Susie said...

So who did you make out with exactly?

Dane Ficklin said...

I haven't read anything so very, very entertaining in a long time. It made tonight not suck.

And tonight really sucked.
-D

mal said...

I just read the ENTIRE thing aloud to my roommated and I pretty much peed my pants.

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