Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Don't You WANT to Get Married?

Sammy and Chase got married! Weddings are the best. They're fun because a ton of people get to hang out and celebrate, but they're less awesome because the single people attending suddenly become targets for the next wedding. I, unfortunately, was the bridesmaid who took the brunt of that because two of them were married and the other one just started her mission papers. I don't mind being set up on blind dates. I've been through worse things. I don't mind people teasing me about dating people blah blah blah. But I must admit that it has started to bother me that people say things like, "Oh my gosh, 22 is so young. You're young and pretty. You'll find someone." This sounds like a compliment, but you have to realize that people tell me this ALL THE TIME and I don't say anything about my having an opinion otherwise. These comments are completely unwarranted. We could be talking about pudding or fish sticks and someone will tell me how young I am and that one day I'll find someone to love and marry. One day it will happen for me. The problem here is that if they feel they need to TELL me that I'm young and will find someone, then they are assuming that I don't believe this or that somehow I'm feeling like the future is looking bleak.

I've taken to telling people I'm a lesbian (not true) when they ask me why I'm not dating anyone because I'm so sick of the question. WHY am I not dating anyone?! Do I have to be dating someone to be normal? Do I have to just date someone to be dating someone? I haven't found someone that I really wanted to date in a long time. I'm fine with it. But that doesn't mean I love to be reminded of it constantly. It's like people feel that I'm doing something wrong because I'm not dating anyone. Well, world, I appologize. I'm doing the universe an injustice apparently because I have no desire to date someone that I'm not excited about. Yes, I want to get married. Yes, I want to date somebody. But I do NOT want to date to date or marry to marry. I want to be happy about who I date and marry and I want to have a happy and healthy marriage that will continue to make me as well as my spouse happy forever. That seems to be easy to come by for those who found it early, but it's a difficult thing to do right and I am absolutely determined to do it right. That makes me a little bit picky, which I guess makes me mean or shallow or something, but I don't give a crap what it makes me. I wouldn't want to be with someone that I can't really love with all my heart because that's not even fair to them.

Also, I get crap STILL for the people that I've dated in the past. Not that there's anything wrong with them, but admittedly, I tend to let people walk all over me, especially when I care about them, and I have gotten screwed a few times for that reason. So, I'm trying to be more careful about who I date. But I guess that means I'm not trying. So it seems that no matter what I choose or don't choose to do in my dating life, someone isn't going to be happy. Good thing it's none of their business! So, a word to the wise, don't be that person that walks around patronizing single people. They are actually fully functional, normal people for the most part, just trying to do the best they can to end up where they want to be in life.
Disclaimer: Most of my angst about this subject isn't a result of the wedding. Actually, very little if any is. It was just the most recent thing. These feelings have been boiling up for a while now. I never thought this kind of thing would irritate me so much, but I have just been amazed by the amount of people who have asked me about my dating life in the past year. I can't wait until I'm 26 and still not married. My sympathy for "older" singles living in Provo has grown quite a bit as of late. Not because they're not married, but because I'm sure they get crap for it all the time.


Dane Ficklin said...

Thank you for finally saying it! Someone was bound to eventually. Good grief.

I've pretended to be gay, too. But only a little.

Myk said...

Don't worry, it's just Provo. You are a freak because you are single, and I am a freak in Kansas because I am tied down and married and have a baby and am only 22. HA.

Yay, for being weird....but Happy!

Kristovski said...


Merrill family said...

I love your posting, they really are a highlight to my crazy "Mom" life. Enjoy that fun single time look fabulous!!!Have fun for me! lots of hugs from your crazy Aunt!

Matt said...

Becky, you're young and beautiful. Don't worry; it'll work out. I remember how hard it was for me when I was your age, being all single and such.

*waits for a punch to the face*

Theresa said...

I told all my siblings that they couldn't get married before age 25. Admittedly, Peter's taking that to an extreme, but - whatever. I'll extend that advice to you, too - DO FUN STUFF WHILE YOU'RE SINGLE! Travel, explore, learn stuff... It's your time to be a bit selfish (not really truly selfish to the core - you know what I mean) and enjoy yourself!

Oh, and leave Provo! That place is weird! :)

Cathleen said...

I really don't know why people say what they say...I guess it's the mormon culture. I agree with you 100%. Yo.


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