Don't You WANT to Get Married?

Sammy and Chase got married! Weddings are the best. They're fun because a ton of people get to hang out and celebrate, but they're less awesome because the single people attending suddenly become targets for the next wedding. I, unfortunately, was the bridesmaid who took the brunt of that because two of them were married and the other one just started her mission papers. I don't mind being set up on blind dates. I've been through worse things. I don't mind people teasing me about dating people blah blah blah. But I must admit that it has started to bother me that people say things like, "Oh my gosh, 22 is so young. You're young and pretty. You'll find someone." This sounds like a compliment, but you have to realize that people tell me this ALL THE TIME and I don't say anything about my having an opinion otherwise. These comments are completely unwarranted. We could be talking about pudding or fish sticks and someone will tell me how young I am and that one day I'll find someone to love and marry. One day it will happen for me. The problem here is that if they feel they need to TELL me that I'm young and will find someone, then they are assuming that I don't believe this or that somehow I'm feeling like the future is looking bleak.

I've taken to telling people I'm a lesbian (not true) when they ask me why I'm not dating anyone because I'm so sick of the question. WHY am I not dating anyone?! Do I have to be dating someone to be normal? Do I have to just date someone to be dating someone? I haven't found someone that I really wanted to date in a long time. I'm fine with it. But that doesn't mean I love to be reminded of it constantly. It's like people feel that I'm doing something wrong because I'm not dating anyone. Well, world, I appologize. I'm doing the universe an injustice apparently because I have no desire to date someone that I'm not excited about. Yes, I want to get married. Yes, I want to date somebody. But I do NOT want to date to date or marry to marry. I want to be happy about who I date and marry and I want to have a happy and healthy marriage that will continue to make me as well as my spouse happy forever. That seems to be easy to come by for those who found it early, but it's a difficult thing to do right and I am absolutely determined to do it right. That makes me a little bit picky, which I guess makes me mean or shallow or something, but I don't give a crap what it makes me. I wouldn't want to be with someone that I can't really love with all my heart because that's not even fair to them.

Also, I get crap STILL for the people that I've dated in the past. Not that there's anything wrong with them, but admittedly, I tend to let people walk all over me, especially when I care about them, and I have gotten screwed a few times for that reason. So, I'm trying to be more careful about who I date. But I guess that means I'm not trying. So it seems that no matter what I choose or don't choose to do in my dating life, someone isn't going to be happy. Good thing it's none of their business! So, a word to the wise, don't be that person that walks around patronizing single people. They are actually fully functional, normal people for the most part, just trying to do the best they can to end up where they want to be in life.

Disclaimer: Most of my angst about this subject isn't a result of the wedding. Actually, very little if any is. It was just the most recent thing. These feelings have been boiling up for a while now. I never thought this kind of thing would irritate me so much, but I have just been amazed by the amount of people who have asked me about my dating life in the past year. I can't wait until I'm 26 and still not married. My sympathy for "older" singles living in Provo has grown quite a bit as of late. Not because they're not married, but because I'm sure they get crap for it all the time.

Frustrating

Ever since I ran the half marathon last Saturday, my right leg has been killing me. It's gotten better slowly but I feel like everytime it almost heals, I do something else to aggitate it and it ends up continuing to hurt for another couple days. For instance, I wanted to go trail running this morning (and running every other day of the week) but I've been frantically moving and cleaning for the past couple days and haven't been able to give my leg much of a rest and so all the healing that took place, making me think that I would be feeling good enough to go running today was bascially reversed and I'm back to where I was a few days ago.

Now, don't feel too bad for me. The pain isn't unbarable, but it's enough to make running even a mile surprisingly painful and at random points during the day, it will just hurt a ton more than others. I haven't gone this long without running in months and it's driving me crazy!! I feel like I'm getting completely out of shape and will have to start all over again. This is terribly frustrating. Also, I'm pretty much addicted to running and so I feel like I'm not getting my fix and therefore have been slightly grumpier than normal and to top it all off, I just naturally feel like a fat lard because I haven't been getting the exercise in that my body is used to.

I guess I'm not the first person in the world to have an injury slow them down athletically, but this is a first for me. I hurt my other leg a couple months ago but it healed a lot faster than this one is. I only had to not run for a day or two. But this is beastly. It refuses to leave me alone.

Another frustrating element of my life right now is the fact that I have to be homeless for two weeks even though I've paid my rent for the entire month (I'm pretty sure.. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure.) Why does BYU housing do this? It's ridiculous! Where are people supposed to go for two weeks?! Luckily I have plenty of places to go, but what if I didn't have nice friends? I would have to fly home and get a storage unit or live out of my car even though I'm not homeless! Like I said, I pay rent. I just feel like this is absolutely ridiculous. I know there are plenty of other people that agree with me, so why is this still a problem? I know for a FACT they don't clean those blasted apartments after we move out. It's a bunch of lies and housing is poopilious. Anyway, those are my frustrations. Sorry, this kind of turned into a venting blog rather than an entertaining one, but I think I'm just extra grumpy because mal bop gets to be out trail running whilst I sit on my lazy bum for the next couple hours and all the moving is partially to blame. :(

Silent Running

It's been approximately a year and half (gross exaggeration) since I last posted and I feel like a bad parent neglecting their child. Especially since I've gotten so many generous comments in the past about the caliber of my blogging, which by the way I greatly appreciate. Instead of updating you on everything in my life, which let me tell you would be priceless literature right now, I'm going to spare some dear friends the embarrassment and skip straight to the awesomeness of the past week and the chaos of the coming week.

Awesomeness:

Me and Susan ran a half marathon! This was one of my new year's resolutions believe it or not, which I have actually been following through on. But boy was it a red letter day, as Susan would put it. I was super nervous about it and thought I would get discouraged really easily, but to my surprise and delight, I totally wowed myself! Not to brag, but I'm gonna brag. I got 1:49:21 and my goal was to just get under two hours which I wasn't even sure that I was capable of. Granted, this was as Liz put it, "The easiest half marathon in the WORLD," but it was also my very first and the first time I've ever run that far, so I'm going to make an executive decision and say that those two things cancel each other out and we can safely count this as a legit half marathon.

It started out with me and Sue waking up at 4:15 in the morning and driving to the Riverwoods where we got on the first bus to South Fork where we proceeded to sit freezing our behinds off for about two hours. We sat on a bench when we first got there and were joined shortly by the two oldest tools I've ever met. Not that they were particularly old, but generally I think of a tool as a young and full of himself idiotic man. These interesting men were probably about 45-48. (I secretly hope they were much younger and one day read this and take a small but solid shot to their egos.) They talked about all the sexy awesome things they had done in thier lives and how last year at St. George, they were "not only the most attractive men, but also the ones with the best form and thigh muscles." That may not be an exact quote. But what was the most exciting for them was the fact that everyone was lined up for one porta potty when there were "like fifty right over there. Don't they know?!" That is an exact quote. Anyway, it's difficult for me to describe the way these men made us feel, partly because it was mostly the way they said things that was annoying and partly because it was five in the morning and I wasn't at the point where I could tolerate douchebaggery quite yet. Once the race started, it was party time. I LOVED it! The running felt good instead of painful, and I slapped the one part of the trail that was uphill in the face. It was also a lot of fun because there were a lot of people I knew there and we were cheering each other on. The last mile was death. But I made it through and am overall very happy with the day. It was a lot of fun and I'm totally doing it again!

Chaos:

Sammy and Chase are getting married. AWESOME, but busy. I need to get my bridesmaid outfit together and buy some presents and such. Also, we're moving out/in/all around the week before and after the wedding and moving is my favorite. (It's not really my favorite.) But, I do tend to be happy when I'm busy so I've been pretty pumped about life lately because I don't have time to be emo in the slightest. I'm excited for school to start too. It'll be stressful but it'll feel good to be being productive and learning and such. Woohoo!! Bring it on, chaos. Bring. It. On.

Title:

"Silent Running" is an appropriate title for this post because I talked about running. But, it's also my jam right now. It's by Mike + the Mechanics and I suggest you all take a walk down memory lane, or as the case may be, create some new memories while listening to it.