Huge Brat

How am I supposed to take it when EVERYONE I work with says something to the effect of, "Becky, when I first met you, I thought you wanted to kill me," or, "I thought you were super mean when I first met you, but you're alright now"? I have had comments like that from a surprising number of people. By that, I literally mean at least 90% of the employees at Los Hermanos, some other friends, and most recently, an employee at the CTL. Sometimes it's provoked, but most of the time, the information is offered up freely with the added, "No offense," or, "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but..." These comments have been popping up here and there for the past year probably, but lately, I can't have a conversation with somebody without them saying that. What the heck? Am I really that awful? I must be. If determining what my personality is like is done by way of a democracy made up of my friends and associates, the people have definitely spoken. Um... so now what? At first my thoughts were, "Well, since most of the time, people come to the conclusion that I'm actually a nice person, that's all that really matters, right?" But now that everyone has jumped on the Becky-is-the-worst-at-first band wagon, I'm starting to think I ought to be a little bit more kind to people I don't know. This is going to take so much effort!

Maybe if I just try to see everyone for the awesome person that they probably are from the first time I meet them, it will get easier. But what if they aren't awesome? This is so hard! How are some people so nice and yet so sincere? I know that sounded like a weird question, but we all know that there are the outwardly overly friendly folk, who everyone knows are being fake, and there are the semi-fake people who are friendly but you can't really tell if they are being sincere or not and they sort of gossip a lot, and there are the folk (like me, apparently) who just aren't friendly, and then there are the sincerely friendly people that just love everyone and you never hear say a mean thing. It is my experience that these people are a little bit hard to come by, but I want to be one of them and I am clearly very far from that.

So, in conclusion, I am a bit of a bad egg and I'm sorry if I was ever a brat to you. I'm working on it.