Don't You WANT to Get Married?

Sammy and Chase got married! Weddings are the best. They're fun because a ton of people get to hang out and celebrate, but they're less awesome because the single people attending suddenly become targets for the next wedding. I, unfortunately, was the bridesmaid who took the brunt of that because two of them were married and the other one just started her mission papers. I don't mind being set up on blind dates. I've been through worse things. I don't mind people teasing me about dating people blah blah blah. But I must admit that it has started to bother me that people say things like, "Oh my gosh, 22 is so young. You're young and pretty. You'll find someone." This sounds like a compliment, but you have to realize that people tell me this ALL THE TIME and I don't say anything about my having an opinion otherwise. These comments are completely unwarranted. We could be talking about pudding or fish sticks and someone will tell me how young I am and that one day I'll find someone to love and marry. One day it will happen for me. The problem here is that if they feel they need to TELL me that I'm young and will find someone, then they are assuming that I don't believe this or that somehow I'm feeling like the future is looking bleak.

I've taken to telling people I'm a lesbian (not true) when they ask me why I'm not dating anyone because I'm so sick of the question. WHY am I not dating anyone?! Do I have to be dating someone to be normal? Do I have to just date someone to be dating someone? I haven't found someone that I really wanted to date in a long time. I'm fine with it. But that doesn't mean I love to be reminded of it constantly. It's like people feel that I'm doing something wrong because I'm not dating anyone. Well, world, I appologize. I'm doing the universe an injustice apparently because I have no desire to date someone that I'm not excited about. Yes, I want to get married. Yes, I want to date somebody. But I do NOT want to date to date or marry to marry. I want to be happy about who I date and marry and I want to have a happy and healthy marriage that will continue to make me as well as my spouse happy forever. That seems to be easy to come by for those who found it early, but it's a difficult thing to do right and I am absolutely determined to do it right. That makes me a little bit picky, which I guess makes me mean or shallow or something, but I don't give a crap what it makes me. I wouldn't want to be with someone that I can't really love with all my heart because that's not even fair to them.

Also, I get crap STILL for the people that I've dated in the past. Not that there's anything wrong with them, but admittedly, I tend to let people walk all over me, especially when I care about them, and I have gotten screwed a few times for that reason. So, I'm trying to be more careful about who I date. But I guess that means I'm not trying. So it seems that no matter what I choose or don't choose to do in my dating life, someone isn't going to be happy. Good thing it's none of their business! So, a word to the wise, don't be that person that walks around patronizing single people. They are actually fully functional, normal people for the most part, just trying to do the best they can to end up where they want to be in life.

Disclaimer: Most of my angst about this subject isn't a result of the wedding. Actually, very little if any is. It was just the most recent thing. These feelings have been boiling up for a while now. I never thought this kind of thing would irritate me so much, but I have just been amazed by the amount of people who have asked me about my dating life in the past year. I can't wait until I'm 26 and still not married. My sympathy for "older" singles living in Provo has grown quite a bit as of late. Not because they're not married, but because I'm sure they get crap for it all the time.

Frustrating

Ever since I ran the half marathon last Saturday, my right leg has been killing me. It's gotten better slowly but I feel like everytime it almost heals, I do something else to aggitate it and it ends up continuing to hurt for another couple days. For instance, I wanted to go trail running this morning (and running every other day of the week) but I've been frantically moving and cleaning for the past couple days and haven't been able to give my leg much of a rest and so all the healing that took place, making me think that I would be feeling good enough to go running today was bascially reversed and I'm back to where I was a few days ago.

Now, don't feel too bad for me. The pain isn't unbarable, but it's enough to make running even a mile surprisingly painful and at random points during the day, it will just hurt a ton more than others. I haven't gone this long without running in months and it's driving me crazy!! I feel like I'm getting completely out of shape and will have to start all over again. This is terribly frustrating. Also, I'm pretty much addicted to running and so I feel like I'm not getting my fix and therefore have been slightly grumpier than normal and to top it all off, I just naturally feel like a fat lard because I haven't been getting the exercise in that my body is used to.

I guess I'm not the first person in the world to have an injury slow them down athletically, but this is a first for me. I hurt my other leg a couple months ago but it healed a lot faster than this one is. I only had to not run for a day or two. But this is beastly. It refuses to leave me alone.

Another frustrating element of my life right now is the fact that I have to be homeless for two weeks even though I've paid my rent for the entire month (I'm pretty sure.. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure.) Why does BYU housing do this? It's ridiculous! Where are people supposed to go for two weeks?! Luckily I have plenty of places to go, but what if I didn't have nice friends? I would have to fly home and get a storage unit or live out of my car even though I'm not homeless! Like I said, I pay rent. I just feel like this is absolutely ridiculous. I know there are plenty of other people that agree with me, so why is this still a problem? I know for a FACT they don't clean those blasted apartments after we move out. It's a bunch of lies and housing is poopilious. Anyway, those are my frustrations. Sorry, this kind of turned into a venting blog rather than an entertaining one, but I think I'm just extra grumpy because mal bop gets to be out trail running whilst I sit on my lazy bum for the next couple hours and all the moving is partially to blame. :(

Silent Running

It's been approximately a year and half (gross exaggeration) since I last posted and I feel like a bad parent neglecting their child. Especially since I've gotten so many generous comments in the past about the caliber of my blogging, which by the way I greatly appreciate. Instead of updating you on everything in my life, which let me tell you would be priceless literature right now, I'm going to spare some dear friends the embarrassment and skip straight to the awesomeness of the past week and the chaos of the coming week.

Awesomeness:

Me and Susan ran a half marathon! This was one of my new year's resolutions believe it or not, which I have actually been following through on. But boy was it a red letter day, as Susan would put it. I was super nervous about it and thought I would get discouraged really easily, but to my surprise and delight, I totally wowed myself! Not to brag, but I'm gonna brag. I got 1:49:21 and my goal was to just get under two hours which I wasn't even sure that I was capable of. Granted, this was as Liz put it, "The easiest half marathon in the WORLD," but it was also my very first and the first time I've ever run that far, so I'm going to make an executive decision and say that those two things cancel each other out and we can safely count this as a legit half marathon.

It started out with me and Sue waking up at 4:15 in the morning and driving to the Riverwoods where we got on the first bus to South Fork where we proceeded to sit freezing our behinds off for about two hours. We sat on a bench when we first got there and were joined shortly by the two oldest tools I've ever met. Not that they were particularly old, but generally I think of a tool as a young and full of himself idiotic man. These interesting men were probably about 45-48. (I secretly hope they were much younger and one day read this and take a small but solid shot to their egos.) They talked about all the sexy awesome things they had done in thier lives and how last year at St. George, they were "not only the most attractive men, but also the ones with the best form and thigh muscles." That may not be an exact quote. But what was the most exciting for them was the fact that everyone was lined up for one porta potty when there were "like fifty right over there. Don't they know?!" That is an exact quote. Anyway, it's difficult for me to describe the way these men made us feel, partly because it was mostly the way they said things that was annoying and partly because it was five in the morning and I wasn't at the point where I could tolerate douchebaggery quite yet. Once the race started, it was party time. I LOVED it! The running felt good instead of painful, and I slapped the one part of the trail that was uphill in the face. It was also a lot of fun because there were a lot of people I knew there and we were cheering each other on. The last mile was death. But I made it through and am overall very happy with the day. It was a lot of fun and I'm totally doing it again!

Chaos:

Sammy and Chase are getting married. AWESOME, but busy. I need to get my bridesmaid outfit together and buy some presents and such. Also, we're moving out/in/all around the week before and after the wedding and moving is my favorite. (It's not really my favorite.) But, I do tend to be happy when I'm busy so I've been pretty pumped about life lately because I don't have time to be emo in the slightest. I'm excited for school to start too. It'll be stressful but it'll feel good to be being productive and learning and such. Woohoo!! Bring it on, chaos. Bring. It. On.

Title:

"Silent Running" is an appropriate title for this post because I talked about running. But, it's also my jam right now. It's by Mike + the Mechanics and I suggest you all take a walk down memory lane, or as the case may be, create some new memories while listening to it.

Life After...

I just got back from a week at Lake Powell last week and it was like OMG SO FUN!!! But really, it was way fun! And I totally miss it. But it got me thinking about life after Powell.. or in other words, life after something really good. You go do this awesome thing and have so much fun and then you come back to life and work and your normal everyday. How dreadful, right?! It reminds me of how much it sucks when you break up with someone. You have this person to be with you and share your life with for however long and then all of a sudden they're not there and you have to face everything on your own again. That just seems kind of devestating. So, even though I realize it's not that bad being on my own since I've been single for a substantial amount of time now, I can definitely see how breaking up is so hard. But back to Powell... I'm just about recovered at this point. It's been almost a week since I got back and I'm having a good time just living my normal life again but it was like coming off a drug there for a while. I was grumpy at work.. mainly because I had to be at work instead of out on a boat, not because there was anything wrong with work. I was definitely going through withdrawals and to top it off all my friends picked up boyfriends at the same time! Sad news.. poor little me was all alone in the world for a couple days. How depressing, huh? My life is so hard.

Anyway, now that the drugs are almost completely out of my system and I can breathe in the regular world again, I'm feeling it again. And guess what?!! It's SUMMER!!! The most awesome time of the year, especially when you live somewhere like Provo where snow puts a blanket of sadness on the valley for 8 months of the year. But for the next three to four months, we have sunshine and pool basketball and floating the provo river and hiking and all sorts of other happiness so I'm pumped to enjoy it. So I guess life after Powell isn't so bad.. or life after break ups or after the end of other really awesome things.. it just takes some getting used to. So, if you just did something awesome or a really great relationship just came to an end or you just moved away from your favorite person or place, this too shall pass. Your dependence on the drugs, whatever they are, will go away, and you'll realize that there is so much fun and important shiz out there for you to do and you'll go do it.

Fly Boi

WOOOOOOO!!!! Today was my last day of classes for the semester and I'm PUMPED for summer! Despite the fact that it's supposed to snow on wednesday, life is good. My grades look promising so far for the semester too, which is a good feeling. I still have two finals to take, but I should do fairly well on them so I'm not too worried about it. I'm taking a trip home to California from April 29th-May 4th and I'm excited for the break and to spend some time with my family even though I really don't love flying. I should have driven instead but the plane ticket was so cheap and the airline so wonderful, I just couldn't help myself.

And here is where you all find something out about me that you may not have known before: I am a walking advertisement for Jet Blue Airlines. Jet Blue does make it so that I can have "happy jetting." Not only do they offer the lowest prices I've found anywhere on flights, but they also fly into Long Beach Airport, which is the cutest airport I've ever seen. Low prices tend to be more exciting to people though, so we'll address that for a moment. I bought tickets to fly home at $49 one way. That's incredible! Not long ago, they had a special on flights from San Fran to NYC for $15!! I'm not even kidding. So, now you're thinking, "Hmmm.. this can't be as good as it sounds. The planes must be tiny or cramped and I'll probably be smashed in between the armpit of a really fat smelly guy and an 85 year-old's knitting bag that smells strongly of ipecac and peppermint the whole time, while I try desperately to watch Cheaper by the Dozen on the smallest screen ever invented four rows in front of me!" But, and I'm sure this is to your delight and surprise, you are thinking wrong. On your flight with Jet Blue, you will be seated in a spacious and comfortable leather arm chair with plenty of leg room and your own personal television screen right in front of you. All you have to do is plug in your headphones and change the channel to your favorite VH1 reality show and you're good to go for the next however many hours it takes you to get where you're going. A little chilly? Simply reach up and turn off the air vent above your seat. Feel like getting some reading in? There's a reading light just for you. Just reach up and make it happen. If I haven't already convinced you to fly Jet Blue whenever possible, please take into consideration the delicious beverages and snacks offered on every flight. You won't get the little half-cans of soda and no flight attendant will tell you you can't have more chips if you want more chips. Your snack selection is unlimited. And for those of you who get a little lonesome on plane rides, they offer a selection of spirits to help you lift your own spirits for a reasonable price. Happy jetting, America!

High School

It's been a while since my last blog so I'll catch you all up on the happenings...

I've been a total sicky for the past week. It comes and goes and comes and goes but it mostly just comes and I'm all stocked up on Dayquil and Nyquil and I've got a supply of cough drops as well. I've still been working though because that's just what I do and staying at home all day drives me crazy. Besides the fact that everyone else at work is sick too and so I have to cover shifts all over the place because I'm not as sick as some other people. I have really started to feel better though and thanks to a very kind coworker who shares his meds with me, my congestion has subsided for the time being. Other than that, things are going well. School is nearing an end for the semester and I will not be taking classes spring or summer like I had planned because dun dun dun...

I'm changing my major! That's right boys and girls, I will be staying at BYU for AT LEAST TWO MORE YEARS!!! "Wait, hasn't she been there for four already?" Yes, that's right. I will spend at least six years of my life in Provo, which of all places in the world to live isn't the worst. But let's be honest, it isn't the best either. The announcement isn't as shocking as I've made it seem, though. I'm changing my major from English to English Teaching, which just adds a ton of classes, but I'll also graduate with a teaching certificate, which is good to have if one wants to teach. I do have to apply to the program though so if I don't get in, then it's back to English for me, but I hope I do despite the extra schooling I'll have to endure. I just realized that I really do want to teach those bratty little high schoolers, so that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Also, I got to hang out with my aunt Mandy and my beautiful cousins and their signifcant others this last weekend and that was wonderful. Rachel's little baby is the cutest baby in the whole world I'm pretty sure. So that was pretty much the highlight of my week. Other than that, work is good, school is good, life is good, and I'm currently trying to figure out when I can get home to California because I think it's about time for a visit. :)

The Name Game

1.YOUR REAL NAME
Rebecca (Becky) Ann Tucker

2.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(mother and father's middle names)
Ann David

3.NASCAR NAME:(first name of your mother's dad, father's dad)
Glenn Claire

4.STAR WARS NAME:(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)
Tucre

5.DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite color, favorite animal)
Red Dog

6.SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, town where you were born)
Ann Placentia

7.SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning)
The Blue V Coke

8.FLY NAME:(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
Reer

9.ROCK STAR NAME:(current pets name, current street name)
Randi University

10. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on)
Goldie Cornell

11.YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle)
Becizzle

12. YOUR GOTH NAME:(black, and the name of one of your pets)
Black Rollie

14. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume, fav candy)
Beyonce Milk Duds

Dodged that Bullet

I have been meaning to purchase an external hard drive for some time now, and by some time I mean about three years. I rent a computer from BYU and so one day will lose it and with it all of my information and so I thought it best to have it all stored somewhere else. But! Like most other things, I put off the purchase because those things are expensive and I'd rather have new clothes or a new version of guitar hero or a car. So, I put it off and I put it off and finally I decide that I should just get her done and make the purchase even though I can't really afford it. So to Walmart I go. I buy the little beauty shown on the left. It's quite a gem. Holds 500 GB and that's plenty for me. Home I skip, new hard drive in hand. Once I get home, I go to town, storing all my pictures, music, and documents on the little sucker and basically cleaning out my computer. About five minutes after I do all this, my lovely little rental computer says it needs to restart. Now, it's been having some problems rebooting lately. It will but then it won't again and then it will and then it won't again, but eventually, it always does. This time was different. My companion of three years, this little computer that got its start at the MTC and then made its way to the IT office to be rented to me, finally gave up the ghost. Good thing I finally splurged and bought that external hard drive or everything I've done, all the music I've purchased, and all the pictures I've taken over the past three years would have been gone forever. Phew! Call it luck if you want to, I'm gonna call it a blessing, but whatever it was, I'm so glad it happened!

Confrontation

AHHHH!! Anxiety attack! One of the hardest things to do in life is to say hard things to people, especially people you love. Hard things include: telling someone you have feelings for them, telling someone you love them for the first time, telling someone you don't want to go out with them again.. or worse yet that you don't want to go out with them at all, breaking up with someone, asking someone for money they owe you when you know they don't have it or will be upset you asked, asking someone to borrow money, telling someone they aren't a good singer/photographer/dancer or whatever it is they think they're good at but that they really can't do (this particular one isn't done enough, as is evident in American Idol and other similar "I've got talent" shows), telling someone they're making a fool out of themselves (also something people don't do enough because they're afraid of hurt feelings, but wouldn't you rather know if you were the fool?), giving someone advice they don't want to hear, being the one to tell someone they lost a loved one, saying you're sorry, admitting to doing something hurtful or stupid, talking about relationships of any kind (especially the romantic kinds) with the other person in the relationship, asking someone if they want to marry you (and I don't mean proposing, I mean actually bringing the subject up for the first time), and oh so many more.

Life is full of necessary confrontations that most of us avoid like the plague. It's understandable why we avoid them. We could get rejected, which would either just be a devastating blow to the self-esteem or cause us to lose someone we love. We could also be rejecting someone else, which might hurt them and that's no fun. Mainly I think these are the two reasons why people avoid confrontation. We're afraid of hurt feelings or losing something important to us. These are both unpleasant things. However, I also believe that these things can be avoided more often than not if we simply go through with the confrontations we know we need to deal with. For instance, we might hurt our friend's feelings by telling them that they can't sing very well, but isn't that better than them auditioning on national television and becoming the laughing stock of a nation? Also, wouldn't you rather confront the person you love when something they're doing is hurting your feelings or bothering you or when you don't understand what they're thinking than just being perpetually confused and ending up breaking up because of frustration with each other? Also, wouldn't you rather take a chance on someone and get rejected than spend the rest of your life (or at least the next few months) wondering what could have happened?

Confrontation is like ripping off a Band-Aid. Keeping the Band-Aid on is comfortable, but that thing is getting pretty disgusting after all the showers you've taken with it on and you know you're going to have a wicked tan line if you leave it on any longer. So you rip it off. And it hurts.. but it can only get better from there.

I recently decided where I'm going to live next year. It was a process that consisted of a couple confrontations that needed to be made and I feel that if they weren't, things would have ended badly, but at least no one's feelings would be hurt, right? Well, I discovered that I don't mind being confronted most of the time and I'm glad when people get up the courage to talk to me about something. Also, I feel better when I talk to people that I need to talk to. Anyway, my situation ended well because we were willing to talk to each other, being honest and tactful and now we all feel good about our situations. So a word of advice, if you feel like you should talk to someone about something, just do it. You'll be glad you did.

Sometimes the Snow Comes Down in June

Sometimes the unexpected happens. Sometimes things go as planned despite the fact that you have horrible luck. Sometimes you try your hardest and things just seem to keep getting worse. Sometimes fate fakes you out and you end up disappointed in the end anyway. I've learned all of these things from experience and I'm sure I'll learn much more even before the year is out. I find that through all of the crap that life throws at me, it always somehow seems to redeem itself.... and then remind me I have no control over anything again. It's ok that I can't control what happens to me. I've given up trying to do that a long time ago, even though some of the anxiety that goes along with wanting to control your life still lingers with me. I'm working on that slowly too. BUT, I can do some pretty sweet crap while I wait for the next blow or the next amazing something in life, so I'm gonna move apartments just because I feel like I should and I'm gonna finish school and I'm gonna run a marathon (one of these days) and if for some reason one or all of these things doesn't end up happening because of circumstances, it's all good. This post has no point. I have no awesome insight. I'm just commenting on life. I think life is nuts, but I do love it. There's no denying that. And whilst I enjoy life, I'm going to be listening to some pretty dang good music. Namely... Kings of Leon and Coldplay. Also, props to Coldplay for winning Best Rock Album and Best Song, among other things, and congrats to Kings of Leon for winning Best Rock Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals for Sex on Fire. I normally don't care about the Grammy's, but my boys showed up this year. I feel that.